Tip 1 : Know your core values
Every human being has a set of core values. Core values can be seen as personal principles about what you find important and what not. If your core value, for example, is 'adventure', then you love things that you don't know how they will end. You prefer to choose exciting routes. Maybe you travel far away, move abroad. Or you work as an entrepreneur. If your core value is another, for example 'spreading love', you may spend a lot of time caring for someone else.
You organize your life, when you do it right, based on your own values. The moment your life does not meet your own values, or you do not know your own values, it can feel very shaky. Because then what do you base your choices on? What can you rely on? You often listen too much to what others think.
And no matter how well-intentioned other people's advice may be: it's not necessarily your values you are hearing, so it's not necessarily good advice either. The moment you know your own core values and base your choices on them, you experience much more self-confidence.
Tip 2: Tell yourself a story that's good for you
People are storytellers. We tell ourselves stories all day long. Unfortunately these are not always positive stories and they are certainly not the stories that give us self-confidence. We say things like "I'm such a klutz" or "I'm simply a doubtfull person" to ourselves. Or we ask ourselves questions like "Why does this always happen to me?" and "Can't I do anything at all?".
Don't you think it's crazy that we've come to believe that? What if you tell yourself a completely different story? Suppose you said to yourself every day, "I love myself and I accept myself as a beautiful person. And I love myself and I accept myself if it doesn't feel that way." And see what happens. Keep a record in a book of what's going well on a day, what you're proud of, what you've loved about yourself. One day you're gonna believe it.
Tip 3: Decides not to have to change yourself, but your context.
Einstein once said, "If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, the fish will think it's stupid all its life," and yet that's exactly what we often do with ourselves. We put ourselves in a situation (e.g., a job, or a relationship, or an association) that we think is right or expected of us. Even if we don't feel at home there at all.
The first thing we think is this: "It's me!". While that is seldom true. Give this thought a try: 'I'm perfect the way I am, but I've let myself roll in an environment where I don't come into my own'. Could that be possible? Suppose you have an environment with very different values and a very different expectation of life than you, will you be happy there?
Of course not. And is that up to you? Of course it's not. Surround yourself with people who give you energy and you will find that you build up a lot more self-confidence.
Tip 4: Choose a bigger mission for yourself.
It doesn't help to be too busy with yourself, especially in times when you're not feeling well, or in times of doubt. In moments like those it doesn't make sense to look for happiness, or even the ultimate answers to your (life) questions, but it does make sense to look for meaning outside yourself: how can you make a difference for someone else? This often makes you much happier. You can do this by deciding who you want to be, or what role you want to play, in your social environment. Maybe you want to be the very best friend in your circle of friends. A helpful neighbor. The best coach for the Netherlands.
And who will be the first to be happy? You. So choosing a big mission automatically means tapping into 'your bigger self'. The piece that you know is capable of a lot. It gives you a lot of self-confidence when you see that you can make a difference in someone else's life.
Tip 5: Stop reading, Start practicing.
If you are going to work with just one piece of self-confidence advice, make it this one: just do it. Don't wait until you have enough self-confidence before you start, because then maybe you'll never start. It simply doesn't matter if you think you can do it. Do it first, see it as an exercise in increasing self-confidence, and then move on.
The best way to gain self-confidence is to consciously enjoy what is right now, celebrate what is going well or better, and work on the results you want. If you make self-confidence conditional ("Only if I believe in myself, I will start for myself" or "If I have enough self-confidence, I'll ask him out") then it will never happen and you will continue to fail in your own eyes every day. Declare self-confidence irrelevant immediately: it doesn't matter if I have self-confidence, I'll do it anyway. Real courage is the willingness to be afraid - and then do it anyway.
The pride you feel then leads to a much deeper self-confidence than you will ever get in any other way.